My new site for ramblings is http://www.livejournal.com/~goblins83/ if you want to read... do it there.
posted by lauren at 11:58 PM

Dreams are like rainbows... Only idiots chase them!

So hmm what is new? Well, I am working two jobs now. One at Wal- Mart and one at this LAN Gaming center on the weekend third shift. I am also in school. SO to say the least I am cranky most of the time.

Love life: WEll I have tons of guys who I "hang" out with. Including the fact that I am back with Alan/ Tony (which ever name I have put him by on this wacky thing) I can't help it... I am addicted to the kid. But none of my mentally ill partners wants a commentment... so it is torture for my ego. Why do I do it then? Better than nothing I guess.

Other than that... nothing. Sorry I am boring and redundant .
posted by lauren at 2:03 AM

Oh .. Ps... did something very money last night as well. When the guys from the band came out to sign autographs.. I didnt have anything... so I had them sign my thigh high stockings... I was the only girl who could call themselves money that night just for that move.... From beautiful honey baby to money.
posted by lauren at 2:12 PM

I went to the Big Bad Vodoo Daddy's concert last night with Eric. He dressed in an incredible Zoot Suit that was burgendy with black pin strips. Yum! And I wore a black party dress that had two color layers and embroidered flowers. we looked like we were straight out of the forties. Our dancing was mediocure with moments of sheer brillance as we connected which is really just a mediphor for our entire relationship as friends or otherwise. But it was incredibly fun.. and he is such a good swinger that he was able to help me fumble through it all so that we impressed even some of the most hardcore of dancers. And out of the night I got what I wanted for the most part: A night of drama free fun with one of my best friends. We met a lot of night people also and go ttheir numbers so that we may be able to start a swing club in orlando.

(Going back a step) I said I got what I wanted for the most part out of the night. Well the more I watched Eric my heart started to fall.. and my eyes could barely contain their tears even though my demeanor revealed nothing. The reason for this is that I truly care about this man.. but in a way that he will never feel about me due to circumstance, timing, and all the other forces against me in the cosmos. I am the rock in the middle of the field that guys through granades at trying to break it. This seems to be my lot in life considering I have been the ego boost rebound for every man I have been with in the last two years or so. Maybe I deserve all this.. who knows?

To tell you the truth.. the single life has been fun and I have been good at it. But it is getting lonely.




posted by lauren at 2:10 PM

". . . from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee."
-Moby Dick
posted by lauren at 8:33 PM

SITUATION NORMAL!... ALL FUCKED UP!
posted by lauren at 8:32 PM

I think I am one of the few people left who actually has a blog... so time for an update.. although I know only a couple of sick people still read this thing. Well life in the circle of friends went to hell in a hand basket... and now we are all just like whatever... quitely bareing each others' presence.

In the love life circuit... I was seeing this really nice guy.. which meant of course I didn't like him... and now I am currently talking to a guy who is completely distant... manic... and unavailable... woe is me... I should really know better. But I am a glutton for a guy who will eventually treat me badly.

In the job area of things... I am getting promoted to the department manager in the summer as soon as I go full time. The current lead is entering the Manager training program so I am getting his job. Other than that and the fact that the new guy works at the same store as me.. nothing else is really going on there.

School is over for me for another six weeks and I could not be more relieved. This semester was extremely tough and I dont even car waht my grades are at this point. I am just glad it is done.

Misc. I am goign out of town a lot this summer.. and I cant wait for the escape from the dramam for awhile. I am tired of it. I am too old for it.

I just want to relax and have one absolutely perfect day. I deserve that I think .

posted by lauren at 8:23 PM

HAHA! I am so amazed by the capacity of others to screw over their self proclaimed friends that my mind is literally in a whirl. Lets just say that I doubt I will ever trust any one in my life fully ever again... I will always be looking at everyone sideways from this point on... and fuck it... if you are a new person in my life you better hope to god that I don't get back up to full manipulation the moment you piss me off. I am tired of this shit... Welcome her back folks... EVIL Lauren is home!

Mark your assasine is almost up to full killing ability! The war has begun!
posted by lauren at 9:31 PM

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Ok school is almost over for the semester... So not to much stress there! (Sarcasism)

Someone at work just quit so I have to schedule a new person to train with Matt and I but still make sure all shifts are covered and that no one is getting overtime. Yeah ... not nearly as easy as it sounds with only three employees.

Alan is out of the picture... because well.. I don't really like him .

Eric and I made a boo boo last Friday and took one step forward and two steps back... so I am trying to rectify that situation because he and I so just need to be friends for the sanity of all.

On top of that one of Eric's friends and I are really digging each other... but we both can't even talk about it without feeling like shit heads for the thoughts even crossing our minds. (We would never want to do anything to hurt Eric and so things have to be left the way they are.. no question.) (Sucks though because the one time I meet a nice guy who likes me and is not in a wierd place in life... and I like him the same... we cant do a damn thing about it.) Timing is just all fucked to hell.

SITUATION NORMAL..... ALL FUCKED UP!

Home life is stressful because I have no money and it sucks.

The only thing I really have to look forward too are the two vacations that I am taking this summer. One in May to New York and one in June to the Keys.... both of which are free for me. WOOT! (Keys might be wierd though... me, Mike (the guy), Eric, and Mark....umm yeah)

I want to sleep for a month and get rid of the drama.

posted by lauren at 12:13 PM

I love it when shit hits the fan... especially when you are not the cause of it ... just the catalyst that brings it forth. I don't like hurting my friends but I feel that people deserve to know the truth. So I feel like a shit because I was honest... but ... argh... I am so fucking wishy washy.

I havent been to therapy in forever and I am starting to feel the pressure building because I have had no release. I don't really trust anyone enough to sit down and talk to them and none of my past releases are helping anymore. I am tired.

Eric and I called it quits.. the situation just got to weird... but at least I got a good friend out of it all.

Alan is in the picture...but I am not sure how yet.

Other than that I walk the beaten path trying to dodge the bombs... getting nailed more often than not and I am torn between being the bitch who doesnt give a fuck and the bleeding heart.
posted by lauren at 8:36 PM